i think my ear is getting an infection.
so bloodu itchy.
i need to change my ear stud soon.
oh my goodness.
ITCHY!

i cannot do this.
even if i try to be strong.
its like.
no use maybe?

i may have said that i'm trying.
and that its difficult.
but i can't take this anymore.
it gets a little hypocritical.
expectations are constantly rising.
how am i going to run to you when i don't feel comfortable with you in the first place.
it just feels that you're tip toeing around me constantly because you don't know whats going through my mind.
go ahead and be this way if you think that this is the way out of the problem.
so let this carry on then.
you simply won't tell me whats on your mind.
and you expect that from me.
you say something and all i can say is huh?
you all talk about something and i feel alien.
as much as you say you want to be there for me.
and that you want me to be a part of you.
how is that possible when i dont feel comfortable around you?
like everything that happens.
it takes two hands to clap.

don't blame me.
i've tried.
cause i simple don't believe in empty words.
when you go.
i'll call you later ok?
i wait and wait.
and what happens to the call?
disappears in thin air?
i guess so.

so lets just stick to superficiality.
it works better this way.
i feel more comfortable this way.
everything will work better this way.

just reflect.
cause there isn't anything left to say.
is there?
just reflect then tell me what whatever i've just said isn't true.
and say that i don't try.
and say that i don't want a friendship that will last until the end of time.
just reflect.